I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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