i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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