So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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