blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
