i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if only i could text you this smell
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
