then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
