3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude i'm inner monologue high
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
