Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
