the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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