I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
