I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
wow bdsm is so cute
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
