Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
