next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
