She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
