found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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