At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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