I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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