She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
