Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
