you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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