I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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