Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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