Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
