We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..