so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
