and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
