Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
time to smoke my breakfast
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
