One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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