I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
