he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
