is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
