Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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