There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
