he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
