I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize