her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
