i barfeds in our rink
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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