Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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