Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
