God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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