Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
