If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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