Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
