During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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