It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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