thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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