Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
