Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have feelings that need drinking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
