Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
