My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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