So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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