What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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