So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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