Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
