I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
