And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize