well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
