I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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