Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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