are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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