I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
