drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You made out with two different species that night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
