Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
