i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
