We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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