its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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