I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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