he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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