please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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